Assalamualaikum...

It's been a long week. Was trying my best to write every day but quite hard for me to keep the day. Been busy. Mahallah training at the weekend and lab session on the other days. Thanks God, my life was wonderful. Full of joy. Just sometimes still feel alone. Well, maybe it's just 'hormonal'.

Leadership. Being a leader is not an option. You can't run. You can't cheat. It's in you. Inside everyone. You need to be a good leader. You have to. Everything will be questioning at the end.

"Surely! Everyone of you is a leader and is responsible for his charges: The Imam (ruler) of the people is a leader and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the leader of his family (household) and is responsible for his subjects; a woman is the leader of her husband's home and of his children and is responsible for them; and the slave of a man is a leader of his master's property and is responsible for it. Surely, everyone of you is a leader and responsible for his charges."

Howbeit, it's not easy to be a leader. Test. There's no 'escapism' plan that you can use to skip all the training to be a leader. Not a day, a week, a month, or even a year. But it takes all your life time.

Well, even me didn't ask for all those positions or names. Cause I know it will burn me, my whole entire strength and abilities. Sometimes, it's felt like I failed to lead myself. But I can't run from it. It was a promise. That changed my life.

As a human, we can't bear to hold all those tests. And the only way to walk through that sea is to put Allah in everything. He's the one that provides all those lights, all those doors. He's the one help us to keep alive in this journey. 

Once in a while, I'm lost. I was lost. whenever I lost, me always hope there will be the light waiting for me. Still there. Help me O Allah :'(

1623

9th April